First, before going much further into my post, I would like to say that I could not have written this post when I was 26. At 26, this would have been my title.
“There is nothing I would change about him.”
Of course I would have been speaking about my husband, who I had just married. I would have lied because in our 20’s, there was plenty of changing that needed to be done… in both of us.
At 36, my title of the post would have been more like this.
“One or two suggestions I might make for husbands.”
In my 30’s, I was a stay at home mom with three small children married to a traveling husband. I would not have wanted to touch this subject, for I had enough on my plate.
However, now that I am in my 40’s I feel more confident. I feel more empowered to speak out. 20 years of marriage has done this for me.
So what would I change about men?
Let me preface this by saying I have a limited point of view. I have raised three girls, I have two sisters, and my older brother is 12 years older than myself. My dad died when I was 11, so my life has been surrounded by females…and of course STEVE. Steve has been the male in my life. So as far as this post is concerned, we can assume that I am speaking mainly about my experience with STEVE…my husband.
What would I change about men? In general I would say that if I could change one thing about men, I would want all men to like cute puppies.
Besides wishing that Steve liked cute puppies (he really doesn’t enjoy animals), Steve is close to perfect, but if I could just make some small edits to him, or offer him some helpful hints, this is what I might suggest.
1) You don’t always have to say it. Just take one more second and decide if it’s worth saying.
2) You don’t always have to give your honest opinion.
3) Just relax in the fact that you will never understand females. Receive it. Accept it.
Now before all you men out there write me emails and comments, let me just give you a hypothetical situation and you can decide what you would do. This is a test. If you pass the test, then there is nothing I would change about you…unless you don’t like cute puppies.
Let’s just imagine it’s Friday night. Everyone has come off a busy week. The day has been filled with work, driving kids around and busy stuff like that. Finally, it’s time to relax. So you sit down and watch….CSI. Your wife doesn’t like that show so she runs off to watch something else. You look over and ask, “What are you watching on the computer?”
She answers, “The Royal Wedding.”
(Test Question 1) Possibly you don’t understand why the Royal Wedding is something she wanted to watch…so do you say anything?
The correct answer: NO… you just accept the fact that she wanted to see the brides dress and watch the wedding…even if she doesn’t know the bride and groom personally. (Steve passed with flying colors)
(Test Question 2) After CSI is over, you are sitting quietly and you look over and see that your daughter is watching the Royal Wedding too. Your wife offers this to you, “Hey, there is a 6 minute clip you can watch with the highlights of the Royal Wedding. Would you like to see it? “
The correct answer: Yes, of course you want to see it. After all, your daughters, your women co-workers, and your wife will be discussing this for the next week. This is your opportunity to connect, even if you don’t understand WHY anyone would want to watch the Royal Wedding. (Steve passed with flying colors)
(Test Question 3) After you are done watching the clip of the Royal Wedding, after your children run off to bed, your wife snuggles close. Should you make any negative comments regarding the Royal Wedding at this point? Should you assume that her snuggling has anything to do with the Royal Wedding?
The correct answer: No is the correct answer. There is no connection from one activity to the other. Don’t make any assumptions; don’t give your honest opinion about the Royal Wedding or try to connect any dots. Just enjoy the fact that you get to snuggle close to your wife.
In life, there are times that men and women don’t understand each other. Should we try? Why yes, but it’s ok if we don’t always understand each other. Possibly we should celebrate our differences. After all Steve likes guns and knives; and I like cute puppies.
But I admit, once in awhile, it would be nice if Steve liked cute puppies too and I know he would like it if I appreciated weapons.
I will close by saying this. Steve lives with four females so I am just guessing he may have his own “suggestions” for us. However, he doesn’t like to blog. This is unfortunate. (wink wink)
Part 2 to this post will come in 10 years. The Title…
“How I changed my husband to be my ultimate dream man and love cute puppies.”
Just kidding Steve!
My husband and Levi. I love this man! (He approved this post)
Specializing in Marriage and Family Therapy
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