How We Have Survived 19 Years of Travel in our Marriage

He is home.

19 years we have done this life. We have dealt with travel delays, cancelled flights, snowstorms, 9/11, 3:45 am wake up calls and weekly airport runs. We use Skype, texts, Facetime, emails and phone calls to keep in touch. The toiletries are always packed in a quart size zip lock bag ready for the security check, and the travel wardrobe hangs close to the carry-on luggage. We know exactly how long it will take to travel from our house to the airport, from check-in to security, security to the gate, leaving just the right amount of time for a cup of coffee on the way.

For most of these last 19 years, I have stayed home and held down the fort while Steve traveled his 100,000 plus miles a year. United Airlines tells us he has flown 1,594,509 miles with them in that time.

For the last four years, I have learned this life of travel now that I work in the Tours Department at Compassion International. I am now a “traveler” who understands what it is like to track frequent flier miles, hoping I will make status, and praying for upgrades. I have learned the art of packing just the right amount for each journey. I now know how hard it is to kiss your sleeping child goodbye. I know what it is like to leave when things aren’t perfect.

It’s a different life. It’s not a desk job. The “traveler’s” office can be at home, on a plane, in a hotel or in the field. It’s no longer 9-5. In fact, it can be 5-midnight. Traveling can make you tired, sick,…and grumpy.

When the kids were little, Steve would call home from the road, and it seemed like every time he called, he only heard the war going on in the background. The kids would be throwing a tantrum or fighting, and he would no doubt worry and say, “What is going on?”

I was left to decide if he could handle the truth.

“The girls have become possessed.” I would exclaim.

Then there were the trips when I was dealing with diapers, doctor visits, messes and tantrums, with little contact with people over three feet tall, while Steve was sitting on the beach with adults in the Dominican Republic on a Compassion trip having conversations outside of potty training and fishy crackers.  I was slightly jealous.

And over the years, there were trips when the miles that separated us, seemed especially brutal. Here are words we used.

“Stephen, you need to come home. We found out your dad is very sick. I am at the hospital right now and they say he has six months to live.” 1997

“Stephen, guess what? I just took a pregnancy test… and I am pregnant.” 1998

“Oh my gosh! Did you turn on the TV yet? I can’t believe what I am watching.” Sept. 11, 2001

“How are you going to get home?” Sept 12, 2001

“Stephen, the cat was crushed in the garage door.” 2006

“Stephen, Grace’s birthday was awesome. She loved the Toby Mac concert. I wish you could have been there.” 2005

“Patricia, the cat was killed by a coyote, we are saving the body for burial until you get home.” 2012

“Patricia, the girls are so hormonal, I don’t know how to handle them.” 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012

“Stephen, I love you. I am sorry.” 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012

“I miss you.” 1994-2013

“I need you to be home for awhile.” 1994-2013

“Patricia, the girls need you home.” 2012

Having a job that requires travel has helped me understand the traveler, as well as the one who stays home. Here are a few things that helped us survive.

1)   We have a strong marriage. Not a perfect marriage, but a marriage that can handle it. We have trust for each other. We are committed. We make time for each other, we are proud of each other and we support each other. Read More