My Compass is Broken

compassSometimes I feel like my compass is not working and the fog is thick. What direction should I head? What am I supposed to do now?

 I think us women struggle with trying to figure out what we are supposed to do in life more then our male earthly companions. Women have this underlying pressure in society. We are told to get the education, choose a career, and become successful. Yet, then we fall in love, get married and have children. The balancing act begins. Do we stay home? Do we work? What about a career? Should my husband stay home and I work? Can we live on one income? If I quit working will I ever get hired again?

 I see it in my girls already. Julia has discussed becoming a doctor, but then she knows that she may want to get married and have children. Not that she can’t do both, but she recognizes the work involved in pursuing a career as a doctor and how this career path might not lend itself to the life she wants as a mother. Sure, she can keep her career, but will she want to?

 I have plenty of girlfriends that chose careers and stuck to it. They do it all, they have a career and they have a family. They are busy but have made life work. I have other friends, like me, that gave up working when their children were born.

So for many years I was a “housewife”. Most often I worked part-time but purposefully kept most of my time available for my kids. I found being a mother was fun, rewarding and a blessing. Being a housewife, well that’s another story. I was never the domestic type, I don’t like to sew, do crafts or bake. Grocery shopping, cleaning the house and cooking dinner are my chores but not my passion. When my children were little I often would get lonely and bored. Eventually, I ended up getting very involved with a MOM’s group. I ended up leading events, speaking and organizing activities for young moms. It was fun, it fit in to my life and it kept me sane.

 Once my kids started school, I started working more. I taught at a community college and I was hired to work for a church as a worship leader. I did this for about 10 years. A couple of years ago I took a full time job but ended up quitting a year later because my family was suffering. I was working 50 hours a week plus traveling and it was too much for my family.

So now I find myself in a quandary. What am I suppose to do? What about my ministry at church? Should I go back to school? What about the future? I guess I am feeling like the season is changing. My life is taking some sort of turn but I am not sure what direction. I don’t have the answer right now. Even though the fog is thick and my compass is broken, I trust that God is going to lead the way.

3 Comments on “My Compass is Broken

  1. Good job Patricia…can I read this next Tuesday night?

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