It’s been about a year now since I have written a post about marriage and golf. Today, I golfed and I was humbly reminded why this humiliating game reminds me of marriage. You either love it or you don’t.
I actually love my marriage, however, there are time that it is difficult, just like golf.
First, let’s address sport and marriage. I use to be young. In my 20’s my husband talked me into rock climbing. In my 30’s my husband talked me into scuba diving. But in my 40’s, my husband had enough wits about him to never invite me to learn golf. Frankly, you have to be quiet on the golf course so I believe he was not up for the challenge of silencing me. Oh but honey…somewhere in my pleaser personality and my thinking that golf might be enjoyable, two years ago, I offered myself as a living sacrifice to learning the game. My husband, who happens to love this stupid game, was thrilled that I was willing to learn to do this sport so we could enjoy and hate this activity together. It would bond us closer, so he signed me up for lessons.
Today we headed out for a nice round of golf. I was completely disappointed when I found out that the golf course guy who arranges tee times had joined us up with two other golfers, of course men, so my talky talky time with my husband was now stifled by these two other golfers. Seriously???? In addition, I now had the opportunity to be humiliated in front of three people. I love to hate golf. It’s a terrible game and for some odd reason, I keep playing.
Tonight, as I contemplate this game, I compare it to marriage. First, golf and marriage are both humbling. Sometimes you are successful in it and sometimes you completely fail.
Second, you either love golf and marriage or you don’t. Consider your last fight. Did you love it or hate it?
Marriage is hard and there are times you get way off course and it’s hard to come back. It’s like you hit the ball into a tree and it bounced into the tall grass off the fairway, and now you can’t find the little white ball. It can be frustrating and difficult. Other times, it can be amazing, happy and enjoyable, and everything seems to be going along incredibly well. In these moments it makes you want to keep playing.
Third, golf and marriage take patience and time. You don’t just start the game and become an expert. It takes years to refine the process and to become a pro. You must learn to understand how different things affect the game and how outside distractions can affect your ability to focus. You must learn to concentrate on the goal. You must listen to instruction to become excellent. You must be silent at times, even when you want to talk, cuss, or criticize.
Fourth, golf and marriage make you laugh. I told Steve he was the best lookin guy on the golf course today. It shouldn’t matter that we were playing a course in the middle of a retirement community. I spoke truth and he needs to except it. So what if everyone else was 70 (it tells you what kind of golf I play).
Finally, don’t give up on golf or marriage. As awful as it may get, there is always tomorrow and something to learn. It just takes work. Sometimes you may want to cry and walk away, but it’s good to finish the course, hang in there, get help, and ask for advice.
I played a terrible game today. I was humiliated, frustrated and impatient. I hit a couple of good balls, but in the end, I didn’t want to keep score. However, I came to my husband at the end of the day, and something in me told him to sign us up for another tee time tomorrow… at the same senior citizen course. It’s all about time together, fun, relationship, laughter and love. I love it. I love to hate it. It’s golf and it’s marriage. Just don’t learn this sport until you are ready.
Specializing in Marriage and Family Therapy
Life, Family, Faith and Travel...the life of a Jones
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