A Mothers Journey -18 years

I didn’t expect it to hurt so badly. After 12 hours of intense pain, and three hours of work, I was begging for pain meds, but the doctor told me to push one last time, and then it happened.  “IT’S A GIRL,” the doctor proclaimed. Outside our hospital room I could hear the cheers of family.

On March 13th, 1995, I became a mother to a little baby girl who we named Julia Margaret Jones. She weighed 9.5 pounds and she was 22 inches long.

Steve cried as much as the baby and I felt elated when they laid my baby on my chest. Bright eyed and wrinkled pink, she looked around as alert as could be.DSC_3796

After two days in the hospital, we packed up the baby, put her in a car seat and drove her home. Steve and I were completely overwhelmed at the idea of being parents.

Within a couple days of no sleep, postpartum, and not having a clue what I was doing, I became a wreck. I woke up in the middle of the night with a true panic attack. I was consumed and worried something bad would happen to her. The love I felt for this baby was consuming.

In all my life I had never felt so vulnerable.

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Parenting has been a constant battle of trusting God and letting go.  You want to hold on to something you can’t control.

The baby grew and before I knew it, this toddler was driving.DSC_3795

The first five years whizzed by, then she was off to kindergarten. The anticipation of something new was so exciting for her.DSC_3785 Once we put her on that bus, I cried my eyes out. Letting go is hard. I would have to trust her heart into the hands of the public school where she learned about math, English, social studies and bad words. She would also learn some valuable life lessons about friendship, amazing teachers, and mean kids.

Middle school arrived, and there would be girl drama.  Oh the girl drama. No words can really describe the girl drama, but if you have a middle school girl, you know what I’m talkin about.

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High school came, the girl drama subsided, thank God. She would excel and find her passion in theater, music and travel. She would trust God to lead her way. Surrounded by kids with different moral standards, Julia would choose the road less traveled and stand strong in her faith. Some days she would battle her flesh, become angry and impatient, but then with humility, seek forgiveness.

“Patience Julia, you need to be patient, I know it’s hard.”

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This girl, she would travel the world and see things and meet children, and learn about poverty, and her heart would be impacted forever.  Picture 093100_0548UnknownShe would find a best friend with a kindred spirit who shares her faith.DSC_7822

Now, in her final year of high school (and actually her second year in college classes), Julia is closing in on a season of life.

She can officially vote!

18 years have past and this small baby girl becomes a legal adult today.

However, she will always be my baby girl. DSC_3792I will always be her mama.

I will forever remember the day I held her wrinkled little 9.5 pound pink body, while her bright eyes searched for direction.

Her bright eyes still search…JJones_8354..but I think she has found her direction.

I look forward to what is next in her life even though this birthday seems to be a little bit more emotional for me.

I am so proud of my baby girl.

Happy Birthday Julia Margaret Jones.

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