I feel like this.

I feel a little foggy.

We dropped off Julia at college the other day, kissed her and drove away.

The house seems a little quieter today, and her room feels empty.

I get really excited when I think about her future and how in nine months she will graduate from college. However, I am quickly reminded that my other daughter is going off to college about this time next year, and we will be saying goodbye all over again. It’s hard to imagine.

My life is in constant change these days.

I liken it to the diaper days. For six years of our parenting life, we had kids in diapers and our lives were constantly changing. Just when we graduated one kid out of diapers, we would have another baby and start all over again.

Now, we are on the other end of the parenting spectrum, and I am seeing that diapers were no big deal compared to college, especially on the pocket book. Just when we get one kid through college, the next one will begin, and in a couple years, we will have two kids in college at the same time. Wowsa!

It’s funny, the more kids you have, the more chaotic life gets and the more expensive it gets. As you move kids out, the quieter life gets, but the more expensive it gets. I will be excited to have college over with. (But then there are weddings. Does it end?)

Steve and I are coming to grips that our family will never be the same. Sometimes we get excited thinking about what is next for us, and sometimes I get sad. I miss what we once had, but this summer reminded me that we can’t go back.

I can easily get caught up in what was, and what is to come, instead of what is right now. After all, I have a year with two girls at home, and a lot of fun to be had. I have realized I need to embrace this constant change and be at peace with it, live in the here and now, even though I still feel a bit foggy about the future.

Trusting God for the future isn’t always done when the sky is blue, and things are clear. It can be hard. It can be hard to let go of the past. It can be easy to get anxious for what is to come.

Where are those baby girls of mine? They are growing up.

Constant change is the new normal for me.   

And they tell me, 50 is the new 40. Something I will face in the future too.

Sigh…

Full speed ahead my friends. Lets keep sailing.