Monday Letters – Application to date my Daughter

Dear Girls,

With our recent celebration of Valentines Day, I must say love is in the air.  I so adore the three of you.

For some, Valentines Day is a day to celebrate romance and love and all that gushy stuff.  For our family, it’s a chance to eat chocolate.  For others, Valentines Day is more like “Single Awareness Day.”

Valentines Day is a good time for me to bring up romance. Now, as you continue the road to womanhood, I would like to remind you there are boys out there that will certainly be interested.  I hope you all choose your boyfriends carefully.  More than that, I pray you have healthy relationships with the opposite gender and enjoy many friendships along the way. If you ever choose to have a boyfriend, like when you turn 30, your dad and I hope he treats you like a princess.

Girls, just for fun, I am posting the application that you Dad acquired years ago titled,

“An Application to Date my Daughter.”

He did not write this, but he has kept it for some reason……… not sure if he is serious…..

Application to Date My Daughter (author unknown)

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, history, lineage, recent FBI background check, psychiatric evaluation, and updated medical report from your doctor.

1. NAME  _______________________________

DATE OF BIRTH ________________

2. HEIGHT ______________

WEIGHT __________

I.Q _______

G.P.A.____________

3. SOCIAL SECURITY # _____________

DRIVERS LICENSE #  __________________

4. BOY SCOUT RANK______________________________________

5. HOME ADDRESS _____________________________________

CITY/STATE ___________

ZIP __________

6.  Do you own a van? _____ A truck with oversized tires? _____ A waterbed? _____

Do you have an earring, nose ring, belly button ring, or a tattoo? _____

(If  “yes” to any of #6, discontinue application and leave premises)

7. In 50 words or less, what does “LATE” mean to you?

8. In 50 words or less, what does “DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER” mean to you?

9. In 50 words or less, what does “ABSTINENCE” mean to you?

10. Church you attend ___________________________

How often do you attend? ________________________

11. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister?____________________________

12. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential (That means I won’t tell anyone-ever-I promise.)

a) If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded is____

b) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my____

c) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is____

d) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is____

(NOTE: If your answer begins with “T” or “A”, discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low. Running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)

15. What do you want to be IF you grow up?___________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, AND RED HOT POKERS.

________________________________________

Signature (That means sign your name)

Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be notified in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write. If you do attempt any communication before your application is approved, automatic disqualification will result.

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3 Comments on “Monday Letters – Application to date my Daughter

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